go-guerrilla/response/quote.go

package response

import (
	"fmt"
	"math/rand"
	"time"
)

var quotes = struct {
	m map[int]string
}{m: map[int]string{
	0: "214 Maude Lebowski: He's a good man....and thorough.",
	1: "214 The Dude: I had a rough night and I hate the f***ing Eagles, man.",
	2: "214 Walter Sobchak: The chinaman is not the issue here... also dude, Asian American please",
	3: "214 The Dude: Walter, the chinamen who peed on my rug I can't give him a bill, so what the f**k are you talking about?",
	4: "214 The Dude: Hey, I know that guy, he's a nihilist. Karl Hungus.",
	5: `214-Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party; that you were drunk and abusive.
214 The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.`,
	6: "214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny!",
	7: `214-Donny: Shut the f**k up, Donny!
214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny!`,
	8:  "214 The Dude: It really tied the room together.",
	9:  "214 Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?",
	10: "214 The Dude: Who the f**k are the Knutsens?",
	11: "214 The Dude: Yeah,well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.",
	12: `214-Walter Sobchak: Am I the only one who gives a s**t about the rules?!
214 Walter Sobchak: Am I the only one who gives a s**t about the rules?`,
	13: `214-Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
214-The Dude: No, you're not wrong Walter, you're just an ass-hole.
214 Walter Sobchak: Okay then.`,
	14: `214-Private Snoop: you see what happens lebowski?
214-The Dude: nobody calls me lebowski, you got the wrong guy, I'm the the dude, man.
214-Private Snoop: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
214-The Dude: My wife? Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? 
214 Does this place look like I'm f**kin married? The toilet seat's up man!`,
	15: `214-The Dude: Yeah man. it really tied the room together.
214-Donny: What tied the room together dude?
214-The Dude: My rug.
214-Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to the Dude's story, Donny?
214-Donny: I was bowling.
214-Walter Sobchak: So then you have no frame of reference here, Donny, 
214 You're like a child who wonders in the middle of movie.`,
	16: `214-The Dude: She probably kidnapped herself.
214-Donny: What do you mean dude?
214-The Dude: Rug Peers did not do this. look at it. 
214-A young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he 
214-hasn't given her enough, she owes money all over town.
214 Walter Sobchak: That f**kin bitch.`,
	17: `214 Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!`,
	18: `214-Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. 
214-There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
214-The Dude: Yeah, but Walter.
214 Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon with nail polish.`,
	19: "214 Walter Sobchak: Calmer then you are.",
	20: "214 Walter Sobchak: You are entering a world of pain",
	21: "214 The Dude: This aggression will not stand man.",
	22: "214 The Dude: His dudeness, duder, or el dudorino",
	23: "214 Walter Sobchak: Has the whole world gone crazy!",
	24: "214 Walter Sobchak: Calm down your being very undude.",
	25: `214-Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
214 Walter Sobchak: No Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.`,
	26: "214 Walter Sobchak: Well, it was parked in the handicapped zone. Perhaps they towed it.",
	27: `214-Private Snoop: I'm a brother shamus!
214 The Dude: Brother Seamus? Like an Irish monk?`,
	28: "214 Walter Sobchak: Have you ever of Vietnam? You're about to enter a world of pain!",
	29: `214-Donny: What's a pederast, Walter?
214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny.`,
	30: "214 The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!",
	31: "214 The Stranger: Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes, well, the bar eats you.",
	32: "214 Walter Sobchak: Goodnight, sweet prince.",
	33: "214 Jackie Treehorn: People forget the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.",
	34: `214-The Big Lebowski: What makes a man? Is it doing the right thing?
214 The Dude: Sure, that and a pair of testicles.`,
	35: "214 The Dude: At least I'm housebroken.",
	36: `214-Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax. 
214 You're goddamn right I'm living in the f**king past!`,
	37: `214-The Stranger: There's just one thing, dude.
214-The Dude: What's that?
214-The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
214 The Dude: What the f**k you talkin' about?`,
	38: `214-Walter Sobchak: I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, 
214 Dude, at least it's an ethos.`,
	39: "214 The Dude: My only hope is that the Big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.",
	40: "214 The Dude: You human paraquat!",
	41: "214 The Dude: Strikes and gutters, ups and downs.",
	42: "214 The Dude: Sooner or later you are going to have to face the fact that your a moron.",
	43: `214-The Dude: The fixes the cable?
214 Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous Jerry.`,
	44: "214 The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.",
	45: "214 The Dude: I don't need your sympathy, I need my Johnson.",
	46: "214 Donny: I am the walrus.",
	47: "214 The Dude: We f**ked it up!",
	48: "214 Jesus Quintana: You got that right, NO ONE f**ks with the jesus.",
	49: "214 Walter Sobchak: You can say what you want about the tenets of national socialism but at least it's an ethos.",
	50: `214-Walter Sobchak: f**king Germans. Nothing changes. f**king Nazis.
214-Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
214 Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?`,
	51: "214 Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.",
	52: "214 Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you f**k a stranger in the ass!",
	53: `214-The Dude: We dropped off the money.
214-The Big Lebowski: *We*!?
214 The Dude: *I*; the royal we.`,
	54: "214 Walter Sobchak: You see what happens larry when you f**k a stranger in the ass.",
	55: "214 The Dude: The Dude abides.",
	56: "214 Walter Sobchak: f**k it dude, lets go bowling.",
	57: "214 The Dude: I can't be worrying about that s**t. Life goes on, man.",
	58: "214 Walter Sobchak: The ringer cannot look empty.",
	59: `214-Malibu Police Chief: I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, 
214 I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you... jerk-off.`,
	60: `214-Walter Sobchak: Has the whole world gone CRAZY? Am I the only one around here who gives 
214 a s**t about the rules? You think I'm f**kin' around, MARK IT ZERO!`,
	61: "214 Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?",
	62: "214 The Dude: Ha hey, this is a private residence man.",
	63: "214 The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.",
	64: "214 Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in Nam, of course.",
	65: "214 Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element!",
	66: "214 The Dude: Another caucasian, Gary.",
	67: `214-Bunny Lebowski: I'll s**k your c**k for a thousand dollars.
214-Brandt: Ah... Ha... ha... HA! Yes, we're all very fond of her.
214-Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though. Or it's an extra hundred.
214 The Dude: Okay... just give me a minute. I gotta go find a cash machine...`,
	68: "214 Nihilist: Ve vont ze mawney Lebowski!",
	69: "214 Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, dude.",
	70: `214-The Dude: They peed on my rug, man!
214-Walter Sobchak: f**king Nazis.
214-Donny: I don't know if they were Nazis, Walter...
214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny. They were threatening castration!`,
	71: "214 Jesus Quintana: I don't f**king care, it don't matter to Jesus.",
	72: `214-The Dude: Where's my car?
214 Walter Sobchak: It was parked in a handicap zone, perhaps they towed it.`,
	73: `214-Bunny Lebowski: Uli doesn't care about anything. He's a Nihilist!
214 The Dude: Ah, that must be exhausting!`,
	74: "214 Walter Sobchak: Smoky this is not Nam this is Bowling there are rules.",
	75: "214 Maude Lebowski: Vagina.",
	76: `214-Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something pendejo. You pull any of your crazy s**t with us. 
214-You flash your piece out on the lanes. I'll take it away from you and stick up your ass 
214-and pull the f**king trigger 'til it goes click.
214-The Dude: ...Jesus
214 Jesus Quintana: You said it man, nobody f**ks with the Jesus.`,
	77: `214-The Dude: You brought a f**king Pomeranian bowling?
214-Walter Sobchak: Bought it bowling? I didn't rent it shoes. 
214 I'm not buying it a f**king beer. It's not taking your f**king turn, Dude.`,
	78: "214 Walter Sobchak: Mark it as a zero.",
	79: `214-The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. 
214 It's good knowing he's out there, the Dude, takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.`,
	80: "214 Walter Sobchak: Aw, f**k it Dude. Let's go bowling.",
	81: "214 Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and start at your convenience you miserable piece of s**t.",
	82: "214 Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a f**king thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!",
	83: "214 Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you f**k a stranger in the ass!",
}}

// GetQuote returns a random quote from The big Lebowski
func GetQuote() string {
	rand.Seed(time.Now().UnixNano())
	return fmt.Sprintf("%s", quotes.m[rand.Intn(len(quotes.m))])
}